Adventures of an Attention Junkie

So PE D-bag has been continuing to contact me, and since I have nothing else really going on in my life I’ve been selectively responding to his messages.  Saturday he invited me to a rooftop party in Soho, but I didn’t go.

This was our latest conversation:

PE D-bag: so what are u up to this week? i can i talk u into a second date?
Me: Have a few things going on, maybe… perhaps mid week.
PE D-bag: sure that sounds good - that was easier to persuade u than i thought it’d be. my sweet talking demeanor must have paid off ;)
Me: Ha. I said maybe.
PE D-bag: Haha good point.
Me: OK no talking..true blood time
PE D-bag: deal

Now the fact that I’m actually entertaining the idea of going out with someone again that I completely despised says a lot about me as a person - what exactly that is, I am not quite sure.  Perhaps I am a masochist or maybe I will do anything for the sake of a good story.  We’ll see.

My best friend means well, I know she does, but why must she be so insistent upon me dating her way?  Last night I went to a beer garden in Williamsburg to meet up with her, her fiance and some of his friends.  Apparently this was a ploy of hers to try and set me up to meet with her fiance’s best friend’s brother (yes, I know it’s a mouth full).

I met him, he was nice and seemed cool, but I was absolutely not attracted to him at all.  What I don’t understand is why my BFF is trying to push him on me.  I have only been single since May.  I’m not desperate for a boyfriend.  I most certainly have not reached the point where I would be willing to settle for someone who doesn’t blow me away upon first meeting.  She says that my requirements for physical attraction are too high - why because I am 5’7” and want a man that is minimum 6’?  I don’t think that is asking for too much. 

I have two requirements: attraction and mental connection.  I really do not think that I am being too ridiculous here.  Perhaps if I were an ugly troll with a wet blanket personality I should reconsider and lower my standards.  But let’s be honest here.. I have only been single 5 months and I did let certain things slide with the last individual and I really am not looking to budge at this point now.

I understand that they know me and they know fiance’s BFF’s brother and think we would hit it off, but if I’m not open to it, why push is further?  She keeps saying that I should try something different, blah blah blah.  I am trying something different - I’m not jumping into the first situation that comes across my plate.  I’m sure if I settled for someone that I wasn’t that into I could be in a relationship right now.  But I don’t want to do that, that is what I always do.  This time I am doing things differently.

I am not putting a time frame on it - whatever happens, happens.

OK, so I admit it.  I am on an online dating site.  For the last three months I have been chatting on gchat with a young man almost every day at work (yes, I know, very professional and productive).  We graduated to phone and he sounded cute and basically just text’d back and forth and nothing ever happened.. until.. last night.

I was supposed to go to Brooklyn with some friends last night, but was feeling pretty tired from the night before and also I ate some food that didn’t really agree with my belly, if you know what I mean.  So I decided to skip the party and just relax - which ended up being passing out for a few hours.  When I woke up, I saw I had a text from Gchat Buddy.  He asked me what I was doing on Friday earlier in the week and I told him that I had plans, but possibly next week.  I really had gotten to the point where I liked him so much in a virtual sense that I felt meeting him might ruin our internet love affair.  But, his text was asking me what I was doing, so I basically told him to come to the city and meet up with me.  We really needed to get this over with.

He called me when he got off the PATH train and I patiently waited with the company of some bums in Union Square Park for him.  He walked up and I was pleasantly surprised - he was actually as tall as his profile said (6’3”) and he was dressed well.  We obviously did not have a game plan, so we just blindly walked all the way to the West Village.  I guess we were talking so much that we didn’t realize where we were going.  I suggested we go to this awesome Mexican place called Mercadito Grove because their margaritas are amazing.  We sat outside, had a few drinks, a few shots of top notch tequila and then proceeded to get tipsy. 

Then we descended into the darkness of the night.  Gchat Buddy picked a trashy dive bar for us to continue our drinking in - I went to the bathroom and he wasn’t feeling the place, so he suggested we chug our vodka and sodas and go somewhere else.  In the process, I was teasing him about his shirt because he claimed it was pink, but I thought it looked white.  He told me that if it was actually pink that I owed him a kiss.  So I obviously asked a random girl what color it was and she said white, but then upon further inspection, pointed out the very slight pink stripes.  I lost, but I didn’t kiss him.

After we housed our alcoholic delights, I suggested that we take a cab back to the East Village because it is close to my apartment (I guess I knew where this night was headed subconsciously).  When we were standing in the street trying to catch a cab, he reminded me that I owed him a kiss.  So I stood on my tippy toes and gave him a smooch on the lips.  It was cute.

When we got back to my neighborhood I took him to another equally trashy dive bar (at this point we were pretty drunk so I don’t think we even noticed).  We got really blacked out compliments of our peppy coked up bartender and somehow he ended up in my apartment.  I have no clue how this happened, really.  We don’t need to go into further detail, you know what happened next. 

When he left this morning there was a girl at the elevator who lives a few doors down from me, so Gchat buddy in his funniest and loudest fashion says, “So how do I get out of here?”  I wanted to murder him, because he had this giant smirk on his face.  Thanks for letting my neighbor know that you’ve never been here before so now she can think that I’m a raging slore.

Bad decision?  Perhaps, but it was fun.

Since we’re on the topic of disastrous dates, I thought I would reflect back on last week’s awesome date with Mr. Ex-Army Officer.  I accepted a date with him only because he was hot and I liked the idea of dating someone who was a former officer.  When I was in college I dated a West Point cadet - so maybe I was trying to re-live my glory days.  Who knows.

We decided to meet in Hells Kitchen at one of my favorite little pubs there before we went to dinner.  Conversation went really well at first, but he seemed a little irked by the fact that I was also engaging the bartender in our conversation as well.  What can I say.. I’m a friendly person and I would never exclude the opportunity to have more people join in.  Also, history denotes that I have a strong affinity towards bartenders and I can’t help myself but to flirt with them.  So we drank our two drinks and decided to hit up this little empanada place he wanted to go to. 

We walked down the block to the restaurant, he opened the door for me and did all the chivalrous things I was hoping my hero would do. However, when the waiter brought us to the table, Mr. Army Man told me where to sit.  I’m a head-strong individual and do not like being told wha to do, so I protested that I would sit in the booth portion, but again he stood firm on me sitting in the chair.  He even went as far to pull the chair out for me and push it in.. in a little Mexican joint in Hells Kitchen.  I found this behavior a little over the top, but decided to just go with it - perhaps this is what I’ve been missing in my life.

We looked at the menu and he decided what we are eating…I got to choose my drink though, he was so kind!  So, we were talking at dinner and he asked me a series of random questions like if I was popular in High School, to which I responded that my yearbook quote was embarrassingly enough Slipknot lyrics, so what did he think?  Obviously he was class President and probably an alter boy. 

I have a really off-beat sense of humor, especially for an attractive blonde hair, green eyed woman.  Upon first glance, most men wouldn’t peg me for having such a high threshold completely inappropriate humor.  So, being the funny woman that I am, I asked him if he ever bought a prostitute in the army when he was overseas.  This spun him into a tizzy, where he responded, “IF YOU HONESTLY THINK I WOULD DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT, I WOULD EXPECT YOU TO GET UP AND LEAVE THE TABLE!”  To which I of course responded, “Well, if you did you wouldn’t admit it anyway, so let’s just call it a wash.”  I also asked him if he ever felt like John Goodman in the Big Lebowski - maybe not the best thing to joke about with someone who has been to Kuwait, Iran and Afghanistan - but that is neither here nor there.  Conversation resumed to somewhat normal topics, but I could tell that I might be a little more wild than what he is used to or even looking for.

At the end of our meal the check came and I reached for my wallet and say, “Do you need any money?” - not expecting him to actually say yes.  He looked at me like a terrier, cocking his head and then said, “What do you want to leave?” and threw the book at me.  I was so stunned, especially with his ridiculous display of chivalry with the door opening, chair pushing, ordering food, etc., that I just threw down a $20 bill.  That’s when he tried to recover and said, “I’ve never had a woman offer to pay, I really appreciate it.”  Perhaps he realized he looked like a cheap loser.  Especially since the bill was $45.

We then walked to the subway together and he was being even more strange and walking briskly.. perhaps trying to get away from me at this point.  When we reached our destination and point of parting ways he looked at me and said, “We should continue this..” and then awkwardly kissed me on the cheek about 3cm from my lips.  And then, in the most awkward fashion as we were walking away from each other he says, “I want you to know that you’re really pretty, in case I didn’t compliment you enough.”

And I haven’t heard from him since.

tumblrbot asked: WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE INANIMATE OBJECT?

i love lamp.

Anyone that knows me knows that a little arrogance goes a long way with me.  I have a pretty big personality, so I like someone that can keep me on my toes to say the very least.  I recently met this guy, let’s just call him John - John is 25 years old and works for a private equity firm in NYC and basically thinks that he is the man.

He asked me to go out with him last night, and I agreed, not knowing what I was getting myself into.  I should have known by the place he chose for our date that he might be a little pretentious - a lounge in Flatiron.  I’m not complaining, what girl doesn’t like to be wined and dined?

I met him at 9:30pm and the night spiraled downhill from there.  I arrived in a pair of Seven skinny jeans with a few strategically placed tears, a frilly 1950s pin-up style halter from Anthropologie and a cute cardigan.  He was of course wearing a suit.  He came straight from work and I obviously had time to go home, relax and change.  Also, from our conversation earlier in the day he indicated that he was wearing jeans at work.  So I was a bit thrown off by the suit.  I guess it made him feel more important.  Right off the bat he poked fun of my outfit saying if I were dressed nicer we could go somewhere nice.  Strike 1 or many strikes.

We strolled down the street to this lounge that he was dying to take me to, but there were no tables available.  We decided to walk to another equally as swanky place a few blocks away.  We sat down at a table and within 10 minutes of our conversation I knew this was going to be a terrible night.  I had never met anyone so full of themselves - it was unbelievable.  He was constantly checking his phone, talking about his future and how much money he makes in comparison to his friends and referring to himself as a “Manhattanite.”  His snobbery didn’t stop there - he asked me if I would ever date someone from Brooklyn and when I said yes he gave me a look of digust, and when I asked in return he gave me another look of disgust and said with a straight face, ”I would NEVER date bridge and tunnel trash.”  He even asked me where I like to shop, but prefaced it with, “Are you a Forever 21 kind of girl?  You are, aren’t you?”  Needless to say I just took this as a time to get drunk off of really expensive booze and proceeded to tell him what an asshole he was.  I’m not sure if he thought I was teasing or if this turned him on, but he honestly thought that I liked him.

By the end of our date he was trying to hold my hand as we walked down the street; him back to the subway and me back to my apartment, which was located a few blocks from the subway he needed to take.  I’m not sure how this happened or why, but he threw me against the brick pillar by the subway entrance at 2am and we proceeded to make out like 16 year olds in the back of a pick-up truck.  I hated him so much, yet I found myself sucking face with him.  I can’t explain it, really.  He tried to invite himself back to my place and I told him that I’m not that kind of girl (ha!).

I woke up this morning to this text message compliments of him: “Sooo I almost feel bad that u had such an awesome time, such that every other date with another guy will significantly pale in comparison.”

Were we on the same date? I thought it was actually a pissing contest.